Ahhyyeeeiiiii

This is it, my friends.
This is the last day for me at work.
It ends here.
The pain and torture.....I HEARD THAT! WHICH ONE OF YOU JUST SNIGGERED?????? I'll be fired, be not getting hired, with no money, AND THAT YOU FIND FREAKIN' FUNNY????

Oh pardon me, you were just enquiring about the issue....sorry, just sensitive and all that right now, y'know

You see, there's this thing (Ya ya ya, I know I use this particular word pretty often. Cant be helped, the thing is omnipresent in my life, it just uses a electromorphograph (Calvin's one) real often.)

....now where was I....yes, the thing....

Well there's this thing. And It was supposed to be printed in the newspaper.
("What's the relation with me"??? I WORK IN A RUDDY NEWSPAPER COMPANY, DON"T I, DUNDERHEAD??!!).

Well, this thing that was supposed to be printed in today's paper got printed in the paper that came out today. Ah! Wait wait, there's a catch. The thing got printed minus a part of the thing, for simplicity's sake let's call that the thing's thing. Now the thing without the thing's thing just doesn't mean anything, in or out of paper.

So now you understand my predicament. Two bloody pages in the paper full of the thing, without the thing's thing. And so, "Alvida alvida, meri naukri alvida, koi puchhe to kehe dia alvida"

The dishonourable act

Okay guys, before I continue with this post, I would seriously want to apologize to all e.e.cummings' fans and true english grads....no offense meant. What I'm about to do, I would have done to Owen too had he come up with stuff like the following (And god knows I love him)

Anyway, here's the thing.

One fine day our dear aforesaid friend (I mean e.e.cummings, not Wilfred Owen) apparently had a bet with his close friend(name undisclosed). He said to the latter, " You know what, writing portry is a lark. Anyone can do it. You just gotta know how to rhyme...and to catch the attention of the general public, throw in the "He and She" factor. Oh! and be sure you leave a lot unsaid so the critics can have a go at it and have all the fun of intellectual masturbation or whatever they call bullshiting these days..."

"I bet your right tushie that they trash this poem instantly", said the friend...who was obviously quite the savage sort.

"And I bet you my left tushie they absolutely drool over this pile of crap"!

And well, since cummings still had his right AND left tushie the last time I heard, I conclude that the critics and the general public must have loooved this weird li'l number, which goes as follows....

can i come said he- e.e. cummings
may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she
(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she
(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)
may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she
may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she
but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she
(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she
(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

Adding on from sheer inspiration....

You're very kind said he
Nope, Just blind said she
All the time?!! said he
Since '79 said she
Oh my god said he
That opp of dog said she
A broken faith said he
Least you got a date, said she
I am left torrid said he
Well, the sex was rather horrid, said she
Et tu, girl, said he
Can't lie, My toes did curl, said she
Why, oh why me, said he
Blinders cant be choosy, said she
What now, said he,
Well you reap what you sow, said she
And what's that to mean, said he
I'm giving you the bean, said she
Dumped by a blind! said he
Coz I'm not out of my ruddy mind! said she
I dreamt a dream, said he
Please, not now or I'll scream, said she
And thus it ends, said he
Oh! We'll still be friends, said she
So now you leave? said he
Atleast your eyes dont deceive said she
And that's how my friend,
The tale of two did end
And how it'll always be the same
The way they end the game


Okay! Now comes the interesting part. Read the poem again with the following annotations...

Intro - One fat (really fat) female. One loser of a male (something like chandler). One steamy night (the A C wasn't working). The woman is obviously on top of the poor thin man. And they have this following heart rending conversation....

may i feel said he (Poor thing had gotten numb under all that weight)
(i'll squeal said she (Obviously the man had a girlfriend/ wife the femme fat could squeal to)
just once said he) (Poor thing was suffocating, you see)
it's fun said she (Well, obviously a fat fat girl with a perverse sense of humour)
(may i touch said he (He was obviously doing this for money)
how much said she (Rich bum!)
a lot said he) (Hmmm...no surprise, given what he had to suffer through)
why not said she (Understandable, understandable, it is perfectly, understandable)
(let's go said he ("Okay, now that I've got the cash, let's get it over and done with")
not too far said she (Given her baggage of body, no wonder she tired easily)
what's too far said he (Apparently, he's near sighted too)
where you are said she) (Uh oh! He's apparently having a bit of problem in coming)
may i stay said he (He goes for the softer option)
(which way said she (She's obviously trying to be kind)
like this said he (Okay, This chap's given up)
if you kiss said she (An eye for an eye and all that)
may i move said he (He's reeeally numb now)
is it love said she) (Ahh! everyone's allowed their li'l flights of fancy)
if you're willing said he (How does he care, he's getting squashed like a fly)
(but you're killing said she (which minus the poetic license means, she's killing him)
but it's life said he (Now he's just philosophical)
but your wife said she (And she's being realistic)
now said he) (This evidently spurs him into action)
ow said she (Shucks! She's just been uprooted from him! Hurrah!)
(tiptop said he (He's thrilled he's finally manged to tip the top of the hideous woman)
don't stop said she (She's finally given up against his desparation to leave)
oh no said he) (And he becomes really sarcastic here)
go slow said she (She pretends to be rather sad here, but she's actiually trying to get close enough to kill)
(cccome?said he (He's feeling rather bad, and by his stutter we see that he doesnt want her to come at all)
ummm said she) (She gets close enough to stab him where it hurts most)
you're divine!said he (This masochistic so and so obviously likes being killed, or he's just lost it!)
(you are Mine said she) (She obviously has the last laugh)

Here endeth the lesson....this piece obviously has the faint strain of Browning's Porphyria's Lover. Moral of the story....never mess with a fat fat woman with lot lot money.

Goodnight people. Excuse me please. For the above. I promise never to pain you again like this.

Life is just a shit hole of misery

Especially if you're trying to bring out a cover on cover, against time. You're lying left right and centre, and hoping against hope tomorrow you are not blamed for bringing out the paper late.

In my usual moments of pondering deep during my personal hygiene time....today I was struck by this awesome, earth shattering question....why is why why and why is what what? I mean why can't the two be changed? It actually would make much deeper sense that way.

For example...think....instead of asking, "What are you saying", it should be...Why are you saying? (meaning "why are saying anything at all? Don't you have anything better to do??" ....

I'm sure you can decipher all this crap that I'm badly trying to say....exploring the philosophical secrets of the world and beyond definitely should be easier with these Qs interchanged!

Try it yourself, and prefferably on some poor unsuspecting soul....

Until the next attack of brilliance....Au Revoir my pained friends

Prophecy of the pen....the curse is cast

Okay...at my dylan best. But I love the song and the phrases reflect exactly how I feel.

Iacta Alea Est. Gaudeamus Igitur. (For the uninitiated....."The die is cast. Therefore, let us rejoice")

And let the battle begin....

Right now if you're in Calcutta you might say, "But it's pouring outside!!!"....well strangely the rain instead of dampening spirits shoots adrenaline shots at regular intervals. That's what me and Cami found out when we went gallivanting through flooded streets, singing and jumping in the water like a bunch of addle headed, mid twenties losers!

Ahhh! Where was I before the rain addled my head? Yes, the battle and the beginning thereof of all tales which will be a brilliant bunch of dedicated bullshitting by the time the war's through!

Seez the day. I mean seriously. Seez. Not Seize. The sun is actually shining. I seez it. I seez it.